Did I ever tell you about the time when I was talking to AP, and I stopped in the middle of a sentence to say, “Oh, look! a squirrel!” and then just went right back on with what I had been saying? Yeah, that actually happened. In my defense, it was an albino squirrel, and those are pretty special. Though to be totally honest, I should also tell you that this particular albino squirrel has been living in my neighborhood for a while, so I’d seen it several times before. But still, I think I’m now morally obligated to buy this shirt.
Also fun is Drover making faces at me when he goes by in the hall. Drover is a police officer at one of the hospitals I take care of (I’m part of an HR team that covers two small regional hospitals). He’s an amiable kind of guy, the sort of All-American boy who grew up big and strong, played basketball and football through high school, got along well with everybody, and mostly looked blankly at his teachers when they started talking about things like literature and art. For a long time I had him pegged as a sweet guy, likeable but not super bright, and about as deep as a toddler’s wading pool.
Then one morning, as he was walking by my office he stopped in the doorway, brought his hands up like claws, bared his teeth like fangs, and hissed at me. No, really. Sortof like this:
I didn’t even know what to do. I know I laughed, because 1 – it was really funny, and 2 – that’s pretty much my default reaction to almost anything unexpected. I thought I’d imagined it until the next time he walked by. This time he stopped in the doorway, gave me this huge exaggerated wink, and the ol’ finger gun. pointing at you thing, like this, but bigger and way winkier:
Also cheesier, kinda like this:
Ok, maybe add some of this in too:
Though to be honest, that was just because laughing, winking Thor is too cute to resist.
Anyway, I was just dumbfounded. It just… the world did not make sense. For a split second I considered the possibility that Drover was hitting on me, but he just got married a couple of months ago, and also no. Then I thought maybe the guys were messing with me. I even called Atlas (the dispatcher for both hospitals) and asked him if he was messing with me via Drover. He was convincingly confused, and I had to give up that possibility too.
For most of the morning I thought maybe Drover was on crack, and then I figured it out. You see, the route I take to go to the cafeteria for meals goes right past the police office. I feel rude going past without waving, but usually when I’m coming back my hands are full with my breakfast or lunch. So I would stop by the window, and make a fish face. Apparently, Drover decided to start returning the favor. And just like that, I realized Drover was awesome.
Now it’s kind of our thing. I stop and make faces when I go by his door, he makes faces when he goes by my door. The initial full-out vampire hiss with claws has gotten abbreviated to more of a face grimace showing teeth with hissing sounds if there isn’t anyone else in the hallway. I’ve promised to buy him his very own set of vampire fangs for Halloween. It’s pretty cool.
Oh, look, a squirrel!