I don’t know whether everything is changing to quickly, or not quickly enough. Everything is in that in-between stage – you’ve been hired, but we’re doing the background check. You’re going to have the job, but we have to jump through all these bureaucratic hoops before we can officially start paying you. This move is going to happen, but probably not until December. Maybe. So my life is in the process of undergoing drastic change, but in the meantime it mostly just feels busier & more hectic than before, without the positive side effects of, say, getting to go see a doctor when I’m sick, or the extra pay. And there’s driving. Lots and lots of driving. Plus, now I’m working extra hard at the jobs I already have, partly because I’m grateful to have them, and partly because I feel like I need to prove that my current work won’t suffer just because I have an additional job. So everything feels more hectic and tense.
I’m discovering that I also have a hard time believing in my own good fortune. I think I’ve just had too many things look like they were going to happen, and then fall through. I think after a while you stop believing that good things will actually happen in pure self-defense. So even now, even after I’ve had firm job offers, and agreed on schedules with all of my many bosses, and scheduled my orientation and training days, part of me is still waiting for the other shoe to drop. There’s going to be a false positive on my drug test, and they won’t give me the job. Or maybe it will turn out that I do have tuberculosis after all, or, I dunno – something will happen, and it will turn out to have been an elaborate tease. I know that this is irrational, but still I was so tense all day yesterday as I went through my pre-employment screening process (urine test, blood tests, TB screening and a small mountain of paperwork) that they had to take my blood pressure three times before we could get a decent reading. I know that soon I’ll get accustomed to the new reality, but this is going to take a while.
It helps that I don’t have work today, courtesy of UD’s Fall Break. This morning I had the unbelievable luxury of sleeping until I woke up naturally. Plus, when I woke up, I felt fine. No headache, sore throat, or drainage-induced nausea. I wasn’t even particularly congested (some level of congestion is expected in someone with allergies like mine). It was wonderful. I’ve had a quiet day at home not doing much in particular. The only commitment I have is to babysit Hello Nurse’s infant daughter this evening. It’s really a beautiful thing.
Of course, this weekend is going to be busy. The Duchess (and I think 007) will be in town for the Weekend of Bridal Showers. On Saturday we’ll have the shower for The Duchess’s young women friends, and Sunday will be the family shower. I am not really a fan of bridal showers, but I am excited to see some of my friends I rarely get to see anymore. Plus, I have another tutoring session with my ESL student on Saturday, and it’s always fun seeing her. It’s going to be a busy weekend, and sometime in there I need to find the time to take another trip out to Xenia to get my TB test read by one of the ER doctors at the hospital where I’ll be working. (See what I mean about the driving?)
But that’s not until tomorrow. In the meantime, it’s a beautiful day outside. I think I’ll go take a walk.