This funny thing kept happening at Sae’s wedding reception. I’d say hi to someone, and they’d say, “Oh, Bernadette! I read your blog! It’s great!” Usually I’d thank them, and then the conversation would totally die because I just didn’t know what to say next. Partly this was because I hadn’t gotten a full night’s sleep in many days, so my brain wasn’t exactly working at full speed, but partly it was because I still haven’t quite worked out how to respond to that without sounding totally full of myself. I mean, should I congratulate them on their good taste? Ask them to give me more compliments on my writing? Conduct a little market research by finding out which posts they like the best? No matter what I say, it sounds slightly snotty, and that’s not how I want to sound at all! Truly, I’m delighted that they’re reading my blog. Really.
However, the other part of the situation is that when someone, especially someone I don’t know well, tells me that they read my blog, I become immediately hyper-conscious that they quite likely know all about me. The stupid things I do. The stuff I find hysterically funny. My inconvenient little thing for Vladimir Putin based entirely on Lulz. My frustration over the Cursed Bridesmaid Dress or Fr. Crankypants. I’ve blogged about all of it. They know.
At the same time (oh, the paradox!), they don’t know me at all. Believe it or not, there’s stuff I don’t blog about. Relationships, for example, or when I’m frustrated with a roommate, or stuff that would hurt the people I love. But that’s the same stuff I’m not going to tell people who aren’t very close to me, so it’s not like I can have a nice dish with this lovely blog fan to catch them up.
Also while my readers know quite a bit about me, I usually don’t really know them. For example, I have two dear aunts who read this blog. They’re sweet ladies whom I’ve known all my life. We’ve even had quite nice conversations from time to time. But I still don’t know much about their daily lives, or what makes them tick, or even what they would really love to tell me about. And while I’m frozen in that moment of blog-related-panicky self-consciousness, I can’t think how to ask them. So they’re stuck trying to have a conversation with this girl who’s frozen with a polite smile on her face and a glazed look in her eyes. Is it any wonder that the conversation dies?
So first of all, if you were one of those people who got stuck in this sort of awkward conversation with my on Saturday, I’m terribly sorry, and I do like you a lot, and I’m thrilled you read my blog! Maybe we’ll get another chance to talk, and this time I won’t freeze up.
Second of all, well, any suggestions?
In other news, preparations for Big Brother’s vow renewal continue apace. Today Sunny, Honey, Big Brother, and I all went out to the flower warehouse and picked out the flowers we’ll use for Sunny’s bouquet and the table decorations. Most of the decorations are done, and now I’m starting on the vast grocery buying. People are still sending in their RSVPs, which is both good (at least I know that they’re coming) and irksome (they were supposed to be in by the 15th!).
Unfortunately, yesterday I discovered that I may not be able to go to the Chicago Blues Festival after all. This was the reward I’d promised myself for getting through all this wedding stuff – that when it was all over, I would go to Chicago and dance and let it all go. But then yesterday the person I’d planned to ride with told me that she’s not going after all, so sorry, hope you can find another ride. I’ve been asking around, but so far all the other cars I know of that are going from Dayton are already full. I can’t afford to go if I can’t share a ride. I’m halfway to deciding to let it go, and see if I can get my registration money back. This makes me very sad, but there might be benefits to staying in Dayton that weekend. So, you know, we’ll see.
Also, I know people are anxious to see more pictures of Sae’s wedding. Believe me, I am too. This is the deal: the official photographer was one of Mr. T’s relatives, so we probably won’t see those pictures for a while. Half my family, especially the picture taking ones, headed out of town (honeymoon, family reunion, helping AnniPotts move back to Ohio from Texas) right after the wedding. They’ll be back this weekend, but then we’ll be busy with Big Brother’s event. So I probably won’t be able to get pictures from them until sometime next week. I know this is a long time to wait, but I’m afraid there’s no help for it. Deal.