'Sup Doc, Ani, apology, Big Brother, blogging, bridesmaid, depression, Ducky, engaged, Family Vacation, grief, Jacob, Johnsy, Magda, Mariah, medication, mourning, roommates, sick, way too much like me, wedding, Woodland Altars
So I have to start this blog post with an apology. I never meant to abandon you guys for over a month. It just sortof… happened. There were many times I started the day with good intentions to update, but somehow the time always slipped away from me and by the end of the day I still hadn’t. I just couldn’t think of anything to write. People would ask me, “So, what’s going on with you?” and I couldn’t think of anything to say. I knew things were happening, even good things, but somehow I couldn’t think of any of them. It was like writer’s block, except instead of the intense frustration writer’s block usually causes, I felt, well, not much. I was a little embarrassed that my life wasn’t very interesting, but not enough to actually do anything about it. Gradually this started to bother me. It’s just not like me. Sure, everyone goes through times when things don’t change much – you need them to rest up from the spells when everything changes at once. But I always find something to write about. Me not writing is a little like Julia Child not whipping a little something up in the kitchen just to know what it tastes like (not that I’m claiming to be on her level, but – you know what I mean).
It took me a while to figure things out, but after a while I realized that my dullness had started about the time when I started taking a particular medication my doctor recommended to help me through the sadness after Jacob’s death. It did help, but it didn’t just ease the sadness, it eased everything else too. After I couldn’t even finish a blog post about the utter seductiveness of a really good library, I knew I couldn’t go on like this. I quit taking the medication about a week ago, and I’m so glad I did. This week has been a little like waking up from a doze, and relizing that the sun is shining and there are all these colors out there. I’m laughing again, and crying, and best of all, I’m writing. Hence this blog post. My words are back. I hope they never, never go away ever again.
Among the good things that have been happening is that my very dear Ducky and ‘Sup Doc have gotten engaged. I’m very glad about this, if only because for the last few months when I’ve been telling others about them I kept saying he was her fiance instead of her boyfriend, and then I had to go back and correct myself. The fun part is that they’ve asked me to be part of the wedding. I’ve helped put on weddings before, but I’ve never gotten to actually be in one. This is exciting to me. I’ve heard a lot of bridesmaid horror stories, but I don’t care. I’ll get to wear a pretty dress (which I probably will have to pay way too much for), and carry flowers, and grin my fool head off while two of my favorite people pledge their lives to one another. And it will be good.
Also exciting is that I now have two more roommates, bringing the house total up to four lovely young ladies. It’s the first time Johnsy’s house has actually been full. I know I’ve mentioned Magda, the Hungarian Kindergarten teacher who is now occupieing the room next to mine, but I don’t think I’ve said anything about Ani, the roommate who has taken over the furnished attic. This is unfortunate, since she’s kindof awesome. She’s also a lot like me. We keep finding parallels. The other night we were talking late in the kitchen, and we both gave the same over-the-top reaction to something at the exact same time without thinking about it. We both pounded one fist into the other hand and screwed up our faces and growled/yelled. And while our yells were different, we both made the exact same face. When we did it we froze for a moment, and then started laughing so hard we almost fell out of our chairs. And then we agreed that this never happened. But it did. Thankfully so far she only seems to share the cool parts about me, not the things about myself that drive me nuts and annoy the people around me. But we’ve been enjoying each other very, very much.
In other news, I’m heading off to our annual family vacation. Usually we go off to Conneaut, a small town on the shores of Lake Erie. This year, however, we thought that we should do something different, that Conneaut would have too many memories attached to it. So we decided to go back to Woodland Altars to camp instead. This is a small Bible camp in the hills of southern Ohio where I spent at least a week (and sometimes much more) every summer for years while I was growing up. I went to horse camp, performing arts camp, and we all went back for the camp reunion on Labor Day weekend every year. Some of the best memories of my childhood and adolescence are of time spent there. I don’t know when my family drifted away from it. I think some of the youngest kids weren’t as tied into it as us older ones were. Somehow we got out of the habit of going there. But we’re back again this week.
Actually, I should be there already with them. Unfortunately, one of the side effects of quitting my medication cold turkey (along with feeling like I’m alive again) has been some really nasty migraines that have knocked me off my feet for most of the week. On Friday I had thought I was coming out of it, but they got me again yesterday and today. Big Brother was going down late because he was visiting Mariah at Notre Dame (she’s taking grad shcool classes there this summer) beforehand, so he agreed to take me down later. He had originally planned to go down late tonight, but we’ve postponed it to early tomorrow morning. The headache that kept me off my feet for most of today seems to be ebbing, so I’m planning to stay up most of the night packing and then head out first thing. We’ll see how this goes.