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I just got an e-mail from JJ about my party on Saturday.  He’s teaching 6th graders this year, plus bar tending nights and weekends, so he won’t make it.  I miss that guy.  He and I played opposite each other in Engagement (this movie we made), so I have memories of him adoring me through a window, proposing to me repeatedly, and canoodling on the sidelines of a swing dance.  For a long time he was the only guy in Dayton I was willing to blues with (mostly cuz I taught him so I knew exactly how much he could do).  Talking to him reminds me of how much fun he was, how crazy.  I could be a transcendent Mabel because he was my Mikey, because he never once made me feel stupid or ugly or like it was in any way unpleasant or an imposition to do all those things with me.  It reminded me that it’s been a while since I’ve hung out with a guy and just felt good afterwards, not in the least insecure or angry or confused or any other sort of ick.

I want that back.

Ironically, I’ve been running into Bhaer on campus a lot lately.  The other day he asked wistfully if I was still an undergrad.  It’s fun talking to him, but that ship sailed long ago.