So I think I’m giving up on Bhaer. Everything looked so promising for a while, but when it came down to it, he didn’t follow through. He could have a million different good excuses. I’d be happy to listen to them if he should decide to tell them to me. But I can’t live on expectation. He knows how to find me. He’s demonstrated that he’s familiar with my schedule. He has my phone number and my e-mail. If he wants to come get me, I’m here. But, well, he’d have to come get me. And he hasn’t. Sigh.
The other part of this is that while I was all excited about what seemed to be starting between us, it was easier to be ok with what was going on with my roommate. Daydreaming about Bhaer made a nice distraction. Now the distraction has gone away, and well, this sucks. Is it objectively more sucky than it was a week or two weeks ago? Well, no. It’s just hitting me harder without the protective cushion of a possible romance. So things are a little rough right now.
On the plus side, I got to dance a little West Coast yesterday. I do love West Coast with all my heart. When I dance East Coast or Lindy or Balboa, it’s a rare and beautiful thing to be able to lose myself in a song. I almost always enjoy it, but to be so lost in the dance that almost you don’t hear the music, or seem to hear it through the guy you’re dancing with such that the music and the two of you dancing seem to melt all together – that’s something altogether Other. I’ve only had perhaps two or three dances like that in all the time I’ve been dancing, and the first time it wasn’t even a whole dance, just a few moments in a rotation at a dancing workshop. In West Coast, however, it seems so much easier to just slip away into the music. At least so far. This might be just because I’m new and I don’t know yet how bad I am. It also might be the leads I’ve been dancing with. Whatever it is, it’s a gift that I am very grateful for right now.