I’ve been thinking a lot about waiting this Advent: waiting for the semester to be over, waiting for a friend to call, waiting to see how someone would respond. I’ve been waiting, and learning little by little how to trust God a little more. That’s the hard part – I want to spend my time worrying instead of trusting. I get frightened of so many things, start imagining all the ways that things could go wrong, all the ways things could turn into a horror show. Yet, somehow the worst never really happens. I get As on my exams, the teacher is kind, my friend finally calls, grace works, and things are better than ok. You would think, after all the times that God has proven faithful to me, that I would have this trust/faith thing down pat. But no. I’m still working on this.
This week I’m learning to trust in a new way. On Monday my roommate threw up at work and came home. Her doctor was suspicious of various things, and ordered a CAT scan of her liver. On Wednesday the results came back – she has several metastes in her liver. That means tumors. They did the biopsy Friday. The final results won’t be back until Tuesday because everything is shut down over the Holidays. However, the doctor has said that he’s pretty sure it’s liver cancer. This kind of cancer doesn’t respond to radiation or chemotherapy. The only treatment at this point is surgery – try to cut it out, hope they get rid of all of it, pray it doesn’t come back. The best doctor for this is in Texas, so she’ll be travelling down there probably pretty soon after Christmas. Travel plans won’t be settled until the clinic office opens again Tuesday, but so far that’s what it looks like.
And, well, I don’t know if she’s coming back.
You don’t know how hard it was to type that last sentence.
This is what we’re doing right now. We’re having Christmas. The tree is up, the house is decorated, and it looks beautiful. The Kiddo is making Christmas bread. I’m doing laundry and wrapping Christmas presents. In a little while I’ll start work on the special Christmas Eve dinner. Tonight we’ll go to Mass. And our Savior will be born for us again. And it will be good.
Tomorrow can take care of itself. Or, rather, God can take care of it. That was never my job anyway.