I’m done. Really done. Finished. All done. The last word. That’s all she wrote. Done. Done. Finished, turned in, no more to say. Actually, that last one isn’t true. I have a lot more to say, but I have to do more research & study before I say it. And that, well, it can wait a little while. Sigh. Done. Really done. I could sing it like the Monty Python spam song. Done, done, done, done. Done, done, done, done. I’m done.
This has been such a huge thing for me. I don’t know if I’ve ever had to work so hard on something before in my life. I mean, I’ve done some big things in the last year: coordinating a NET team for a month, writing a screenplay, planning a movie premiere (actually two). You know, things. But it wasn’t like this. This took everything I had, and then some. I had to think harder than I’ve ever thought before. I had to be creative in a whole new way. I had to try to find words for things I only understood with my heart. It was a battle every step of the way. I had to fight with both my own fear of failure and fear of success. I had to fight this crazy life of mine that doesn’t want to let me sit down and bond with my laptop and think about things. I had to fight my tendency to put the needs of the entire world ahead of my own. I fought it, and I won. Victory is so sweet.
This is really big for me in another way too. I think I found my vocation. God made Bernadette to be a dancer and a theologian. In doing this project, I found the theology that I’m going to spend the rest of my life exploring. It’s huge and exciting and challenging and intimidating and is going to require more from me than I ever knew I had to give. I knew when I went back to school that I would have to get a Masters to do the job I wanted to do, but now I know that I need a Doctorate. And I know what I’m going to write my Doctoral Dissertation on. (On credit hours, I think I’m officially halfway through my Sophomore year of my Bachelor’s, and I know what I want to write my Doctoral Dissertation on. ) I’ve been researching Catholic schools in the US that offer doctorates in theological ethics. (There’s four: Boston College, Loyola in Chicago, Marquette in Milwaukee, and Catholic University of American in DC. Right now Boston is looking like the pick of the litter.) I’m going to need to learn French and German, cuz the Latin and Greek I know now isn’t enough. I think I’m probably going to have to learn Polish too, cuz one of the main works I need to work with isn’t available in English translation. I need to learn about phenomenology, and become something of an expert on Thomistic philosophy. Friends, I haven’t even taken Philosophy 103 yet. I need to know so much before I can even really begin to say the things I want to say. I have so far to go, and I can’t wait to start getting there.
Fasten your seatbelts, we’re in for a bumpy ride!
Behold the handmaid of the Lord. Be it done unto me according to Thy word.
Bring it on.