Last night someone I’d just met wasn’t pleased by the way another guy was treating me. After very sweetly talking crap about the other guy in order to cheer me up, he demanded to know why I liked someone who was being a jerk.
So today I’ve been thinking about why we’re attracted to a particular person, even when that person’s behavior is less than ideal. My main man JP the Great would say that when we’re attracted to someone we’re drawn to something good we see or think we see in the other person. It can be something objectively good, but more often it’s something that would be good for us. The challenge is that real love can only come into being when it’s founded on truth. So we have to be able to see all of the other, both the good and bad parts, and choose to love all of them. This means that the time when we’re falling in love and choosing the person we’ll spend the rest of our life with is the time when we have to be the most objective and logical of any time in our life. This is completely different from what our culture tells us – that love is when we should be swept away by our feelings, that love should be blind. But I’m with JP here. I want to see the other person, all of him, even the ways he’s a pain. When I can see all of him, then I can make a real choice about whether or not I’m going to love him. Last night I was seeing a part of this guy that wasn’t thrilling. The question is whether the good things I’ve seen in him make the not so good parts worth putting up with. I haven’t decided yet.
I’m also realizing that I have a larger than usual contingent of males in my life who would be more than happy to take apart any guy who hurt me. While it’s very sweet that they care that much about me, and I appreciate their backing, I’m not completely comfortable with this. I have to have the freedom to make mistakes, and to sometimes be less than perfectly happy. Love hurts. If I really love, I’m going to get hurt. Sorry, guys. I can’t pretend that I have a perfect life just to make you more comfortable! Deal.